We leave 3 weeks from tomorrow. I feel both some panic and excitement. I think that's probably how a person is supposed to feel when they are taking there child along with them on a fairly extreme trip.
This morning after I took Sam to school I went to the Y to workout. I did not take my pack, and everything seemed smoother and easier than it has. I used the stair master a level higher for the full 20 minutes. I added weights on 3 of the machines I use. I'm feeling confident and strong today!
When I arrived home I received an amazingly thoughtful and generous package in the mail from a veteran pilgrim and new friend.
I'm searching for all the small pouches I own to keep things organized in my pack.
I'm planning for our going away party.
I'm working on an extensive to do list.
I'm feeling so much gratitude as I tick off the very long list of names of people who have made it possible for us to get to this point. I'm overwhelmed by the names of old friends and new friends who have all been part of the preparation part of this adventure.
I think this is exactly how 3 weeks out is supposed to look at feel for me. While I'm gaining physical strength and confidence I'm also moving inward toward my thoughts and heart. This is already a deeply moving experience. I am continuing the journey.
And Sam. . .
He had a great time leading the way, talking a great deal, and showing no whining while we trained this weekend.
He also has been tender. I know he is evolving, too, but without the mature vocabulary to assign it. So when he cried hard last night about the death of his beloved beta fish, Waffles, I knew there was more. I just stayed present and silent. Change is always hard for him. Loss and disappointment overwhelm in an honest way that I prefer to avoid. I wonder how much of his growth this summer will be when I can be present and silent.
Sam has a wisdom that takes my breath away. He is the logical pessimist to my impulsive optimist. We often use humor to meet in the middle. I believe humor will get us through the tough times.
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